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HJE Presents…The Dumbest Muskbag Ever
Prepare to have your mind blown. This Muskbag is a Muskbag so astonishingly stupid. So incredibly ridiculous. So offensively bad, you very well may stop rooting for the Cubs. And you would be right to...
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Cubs Sign Jesus Christ; Christ Gives Up Grand Slam to Lee
CHICAGO, Ill.–The Cubs took a drastic step in their struggle to get out Astros slugger Carlos Lee Wednesday morning. Cubs general manager Jim Hendry signed Jesus Christ to a three-day contract...
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Who Wants to Win the NL Central?
Seriously? Is this how it’s going to be in September? I was in the midst of a party to appease J-Kerm on Saturday. When I turned off the Cubs game, they had a very comfortable 9-1 lead. Ned Ryerson on...
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SNEAK ATTACK!
Every day is “Pick on Phil Rogers” Day at HJE, so this will be no exception. As you know, in early February Phildo predicted the Houston Astros were planning a “sneak attack” on the Cubs. This is, of...
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Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “Drew Peterson Murdered Erin Andrews”...
Kermit told me to hits-whore in this week’s Roundup, so that’s exactly what I’m going to do, you tentacle-porn-loving perverts. Asian vagina. Anyhow, sorry I missed the Roundup last week. I was busy...
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It Was Impossible to Predict that the Wheels Would Fall off Carlos Silva....
I definitely expected the wheels to just flatten. Or to pop off entirely due to the stress of carrying around such weight. If you were shocked that Carlos Silva was having a ton of success with the...
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The Top 79 Cub Killers of My Time #20: Paul “LEE KAY!” Konerko
I LOVE BASEBALL!!!Paul Konerko has long been the most popular member of the White Sox. And why not? Sure, he looks like a record-store clerk, but he can hit, and he allegedly help the White Sox to a...
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The Top 79 Cub Killers of My Time #8: “Everyone Doesn’t Like” Carlos Lee
Hey, it's Carlos Lee's penis! (AP Photo/David Zalubowski)Carlos Lee likes killing the Cubs like a fat kid like Carlos Lee likes cake. For all of you atheist Cub fans out there, I understand your...
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The Best Bad Cubs Team of My Time: BN Bryan LaHair
I feel like he should be doing a Mr. Bean sketch.A passing comment on Twitter has led to my next pet project. I’ve compiled a 25-man roster of the best bad Cubs of my time. Let me clarify a few things...
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The Best Bad Cubs Team of My Time: SP Glendon Rusch
Catch the mist. Catch the myth. Catch the mystery. Catch a whiff. Seriously. Look at that gut. A passing comment on Twitter has led to my next pet project. I’ve compiled a 25-man roster of the best...
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